Week 19: My return to the battlefield…

I feel like a hero today. There’s a scar I have from a time in my life were I truly struggled. It was by far the most dramatic and Surreal time in my life. It’s the chapter I like to call , “D.C.”.
Truth be told, seven years ago, I went there ready to conquer the world. A year and a half later, I left, grateful that I made it out alive. I was worn, and pretty tattered, but again, I made it out alive, so there’s that.  
Writing is a very healing outlet for me, and I have always dreamed about going back to that place to write about it. To the place where I fell head over heels in love for the first time, with a man who would ultimately break my heart. To the place I lived when I lost the only stable male figure in my life, the place I lived when my grandfather died. To the place where I did my best to cope with all the loss and heartache. The place where I started getting ill, with pain from an unknown source, and feeling like an outsider because I was in touch with my feelings.
I had thought about telling the story in writing, but I really wanted to go back and get in touch with those places. I wanted to go back and remember those feelings, remember those times, so the writing would be better. 
Today I am the hero. Today I went back there. 
I walked the streets of Washington, D.C. I took the metro to the courthouse station. I saw the bakery where I sat and called my grandpa just to say hi, what I didn’t know would be our last conversation. I went to the Starbucks and actually sat in the same seat where I had coffee with the man who would be the first to break my heart. 
Today I did it. I walked those streets, I visited those memories, and I wrote to my hearts content, remembering the timeline as clear as day.
What a gift to be able to go back. It was bittersweet, with more sweet than bitter, because I am a different person than I was back then. I am healed.
And that is something I have earned, that no one can take away. In fact, now that I think about it, as I walked those streets I felt a sense of pride for the woman I have become in spite of how difficult that time was. 
I am stronger. It did not break me. I lived to tell the story, and so I shall.
Thank you for sharing my journey. ❤️

3 thoughts on “Week 19: My return to the battlefield…

  1. Alicia, my tears were flowing as I read your words of strength and courage. You are whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy and I am so thrilled for you!!! Thank you for allowing me to share in such an incredible journey of growth!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s