MKMMA Week 18: the more I give, the more I will receive…

I feel a bit raw. Yes. Raw is the best word to describe how I feel.  

Even though I ended a three year relationship and moved houses, I’ve been feeling so strong lately, and mostly on top of it. I’ve felt very in control.
This week, I cried about my mom for an hour in counseling. I found myself unable to shut up. I mean, 25 years…there’s a lot to tell.  

The hour was over before I knew it, and I even found myself put off just the slightest bit that it would be two weeks before we saw each other, instead of one. This is the juicy stuff. I could really use the help.  

So now, I guess, the doors I typically keep shut and locked are now cracked open. I can tell because the tears aren’t held back so easily now.  

I had the inclination that my energy was just taken from me all day. I have nothing left to give. But I know that’s not true. 

The truth is, I’m a bit raw.  
I remind myself, I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.
Stay with the feelings. This is what you wanted.
  
This is what I wanted?! Yes!

That is the most beautiful part; I manifested this. I wanted this time in my life to hash out anything I needed to, and tie up emotional loose ends.  

It’s so important to me to do this, and I see now how much the MKMMA will help me through this process, help me heal, help me to choose thoughts that are helpful to me. As opposed to wallowing or going off the deep end.  

I have the tools, and I know there are rooms in my soul I will need to open, look around, sweep and vacuum, and THeN I can shut the door for good.   
This is what I wanted so I will be ready to start and finish a counseling psychology graduate program.  
I want to examine / discuss / process my first 28 years on this earth, then close it up, put a bow on it, and leave it be. 
“In order to grow we must obtain what is essential for our growth, but as we are at all times a complete thought entity, this completeness makes it possible for us to receive only as we give; growth is there for conditioned on reciprocal action…” MK 18:24
“it is for this reason that he who has his heart in his work is certain to meet with unbounded success. He will give and continually give; and the more he gives, the more he will receive.” MK 18:25
I understand this to mean: the more that I heal and make peace with my past, the more I will have to give to my research and future clients. 
This is what I want more than anything, and I will have it. It will be a gift to myself, and anyone who is a part of my future including my future clients, friends, family, and even my unborn children. 
I will remember constantly throughout the process that I am no different in kind and quality than the whole, that I am one with the universal spirit, and incredibly that I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.  
Thanks for sharing this journey with me. ❤️

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