Week 11: The Struggle was REAL

My last blog post I felt like I was kicking butt and taking names.  I had been doing all the work, keeping all my promises, and truthfully finding it harder and harder to do them every day.

struggle

Week 11 is when it came to a head.  Friday night was the first night I didn’t do the exercises.  I just went to bed.  Saturday I left town at 8am to visit with family and didn’t take time to do the exercises all day Saturday.  I was sick on Sunday, and by the time the day ended, I was deeply ashamed that I’d broken my promises.  Promises that I’d worked SO VERY HARD to keep for the past 2 months.  At different moments in time I’d sacrificed so much to make sure and keep these promises for my subconscious, and I felt that in one weekend all that was washed away.  I was so disappointed.  And there goes the mental diet too!

From there, the rest of the week was all a struggle of trying to get back on track.  And my old blueprint was having a field day!!!  “Nothing has changed anyway, I don’t know why you’re so worried about keeping these promises.  Nothing is going to change.”  The old blueprint kept telling me this.  There was a time or two where I’d contemplate my dream, my DMP and think, “What am I doing?!  What am I trying to do here?!”  Then, when I found out I’d overlooked the survey from our week off and missed the chance to give gorgeous feedback to the most amazing teachers I’ve ever had, about the most amazing experience I’ve ever had, and I did this the last time I took the class too, I was CRUSHED.  I thought, “Ok here I am now backsliding, doing no better than I did the last time!”

I WANT TO DO BETTER!!!!  I KNOW I CAN DO BETTER!!!!

So I think you get the picture.

Well, thankfully Og came to my mind, like he always does.  “I will persist until I succeed.

Thank Dear God and the Stars above for Og Mandino.  He will never know what a difference he’s made in my life, let alone the lives of others.

So I think to myself, “am I going to give up just because of a bad week?  It’s not as if I wasn’t EVER going to mess up, even though of course that’s what I was striving for.  So sometime around Friday, I determine that I am going to wholeheartedly forgive myself for this week, aka stop beating myself up about it and move on.  I’m clearing the channel!

To read Mark’s week 10 blog was also eye opening for me.  He talked about doing the exercises like you were checking things off of a list, and waiting to see if anything was going to happen, instead of totally immersing yourself in the lifestyle of all these things you can do to become better and having FAITH that the Universe will bring to you what you ask!  I felt I’d very much been doing this.  Especially when the end goal is SOOOO  far away.

So I’ve had a change of heart.  I’m going to live the spirit of these things.  I’m going to live the spirit of reading and connecting to the Divine Source through the sit, I’m going to live the spirit of tapping into my creative side just to see what beautiful things are reflected from my soul.  I’m going to live the spirit of giving because I love all humanity.  I’m going to greet the days with love in my heart, persist until I succeed, and just relax into this beautiful life that I created for myself.  I mean, I’m sitting here typing it thinking, “Wow!  That sounds like a beautiful life!”  And that it is.  So I will envelope myself in it, and really live it, knowing the fruits of this living and thinking and being will be more than abundant, more than anything I could have planned myself.  I will have faith in the Universe.

Thanks for being here with me on this journey!

Happy Dreaming!

Alicia

One thought on “Week 11: The Struggle was REAL

  1. I can completely and irrevocably relate to your situation of falling of the wagon and how difficult it is to get back on…However, I think as I did you see the WONDERFUL gift you were given by doing so, had we not fallen we would not have changed how we saw what it is we are doing…Keep up the good work Alicia.

    Like

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