Week 14: Patience and Persistence…this week FLU by!

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!

One thing this class has done is bring me face to face with time.  We are on a schedule and no matter how I’m feeling or what goes on in my life, the show must go on!  I can’t remember ever feeling so accountable!  This is by far the longest running commitment I’ve ever stuck with, as far as commitment to build my life.

I AM NO VICTIM TO CIRCUMSTANCE.

More than that, I’ve made more improvement in the past 14 weeks than I have in the past year.  Truth be told, I was heading down a scary path, and the MKMMA has helped me take control back.

The way I understand it, the blogs we post are intended to help others see what the journey is like, and how/what/why we in the alliance are making these changes.

This has been one of my biggest challenges.  First, I don’t want/like to sound like I’m complaining.  Second, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.  Third, I want to speak of the future, not the past.  That being said, I feel the greater injustice would be to omit sharing my experiences.  To do so, I feel, would be to rob others of the knowledge of exactly what the MKMMA can help you overcome.

I sought a scholarship in the MKMMA because I desperately wanted the knowledge and tools that would help me change my life.  2014 was a chaotic year.  I’d been diagnosed with a chronic illness, dismissed from my graduate school program, and diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive disorder, which they say I most likely inherited.  I was unemployed, in massive debt, depressed, anxious, and for a brief time having suicidal thoughts.  I was completely broken.  I can confidently say 2014 was the year I hit rock bottom.

It brings me to tears thinking about it, and as I write this I shed tears of gratitude for Mark J, Davene, Trish, my Guide Carolyn, Carol my dear friend and business partner, and my sister Stephanie.  I thank God for their voices in the back of my head, for their empowering words, and their belief in me.  And some of them have never even met me!

As I cry these tears of gratitude for their service and this program, I want to end this blog with the following:

It’s week 15 now.  This blog is late and while I want to blame it on the flu, the truth is I didn’t know what to say yet.  It was only after having the flu that I was reminded how torturous a life of inaction is.  Putting myself out in the world, albeit risky, is a trillion times more rewarding than withering away by myself.

Hello 2015!!!  I have the tools, thanks to the MKMMA, and every day is my opportunity to practice using them.  I am becoming accountable for my actions, and for what my world looks like.  I can look myself in the mirror now.  I have a job and am continuing to build my self-confidence.  And most excitedly, I have plans for MY future, which at my lowest point last year, I did not have.

THIS is my turning point.  THIS is where I kick it into high gear.

More than anything I want to express my gratitude to all other members in the alliance who’ve kept going.  You all are my teachers, my leaders, my friends, and my family, and I love you dearly.

Until next time,

All my love.

Alicia