HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!
One thing this class has done is bring me face to face with time. We are on a schedule and no matter how I’m feeling or what goes on in my life, the show must go on! I can’t remember ever feeling so accountable! This is by far the longest running commitment I’ve ever stuck with, as far as commitment to build my life.
I AM NO VICTIM TO CIRCUMSTANCE.
More than that, I’ve made more improvement in the past 14 weeks than I have in the past year. Truth be told, I was heading down a scary path, and the MKMMA has helped me take control back.
The way I understand it, the blogs we post are intended to help others see what the journey is like, and how/what/why we in the alliance are making these changes.
This has been one of my biggest challenges. First, I don’t want/like to sound like I’m complaining. Second, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. Third, I want to speak of the future, not the past. That being said, I feel the greater injustice would be to omit sharing my experiences. To do so, I feel, would be to rob others of the knowledge of exactly what the MKMMA can help you overcome.
I sought a scholarship in the MKMMA because I desperately wanted the knowledge and tools that would help me change my life. 2014 was a chaotic year. I’d been diagnosed with a chronic illness, dismissed from my graduate school program, and diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive disorder, which they say I most likely inherited. I was unemployed, in massive debt, depressed, anxious, and for a brief time having suicidal thoughts. I was completely broken. I can confidently say 2014 was the year I hit rock bottom.
It brings me to tears thinking about it, and as I write this I shed tears of gratitude for Mark J, Davene, Trish, my Guide Carolyn, Carol my dear friend and business partner, and my sister Stephanie. I thank God for their voices in the back of my head, for their empowering words, and their belief in me. And some of them have never even met me!
As I cry these tears of gratitude for their service and this program, I want to end this blog with the following:
It’s week 15 now. This blog is late and while I want to blame it on the flu, the truth is I didn’t know what to say yet. It was only after having the flu that I was reminded how torturous a life of inaction is. Putting myself out in the world, albeit risky, is a trillion times more rewarding than withering away by myself.
Hello 2015!!! I have the tools, thanks to the MKMMA, and every day is my opportunity to practice using them. I am becoming accountable for my actions, and for what my world looks like. I can look myself in the mirror now. I have a job and am continuing to build my self-confidence. And most excitedly, I have plans for MY future, which at my lowest point last year, I did not have.
THIS is my turning point. THIS is where I kick it into high gear.
More than anything I want to express my gratitude to all other members in the alliance who’ve kept going. You all are my teachers, my leaders, my friends, and my family, and I love you dearly.
Until next time,
All my love.