Reflecting over the past 10 weeks, it isn’t hard to see what changes are taking place in my life, in all different areas.
First, I have switched safety blankets. In the past when I felt anxious and didn’t know what to do next, I would sit on my front porch, chain smoke cigarettes, and fret over the next step. Now I find myself reaching for Og, and his words comfort me like an old friend. The words are familiar, and just as he promised, “when it is a pleasure to perform, it is performed often.”
I’ve changed what I listen to. Where I used to absent mindedly turn on the radio, now I will think twice . Sometimes I substitute a recorded scroll, and sometimes I take the silent time to pray.
My attitude toward work has changed. I used to dread going in, fear of being scolded like a child because the managers are used to treating employees like children. I have forgiven them, and the Universe met me halfway, elevating the managers and their people skills, very recently I’ve noticed. I also know that work is a blessing because it reminds me how much my time is worth now, and how much I want it to be worth in the future. I find myself loving my coworkers wherever they are, and I feel their love and respect in return.
It’s changed my relationship, turning it right side up again after my internal struggles had tried to turn it upside down. It’s helping me to become an adult in regards to my responsibilities at home, and also helped me to put some of the play back in my relationship, which is what I aspire for us. It’s helped my relationship and self confidence in the way that I keep house. Now I HAVE to do the dishes, and I can do them with almost no effort, a totally different scenario than 3 months ago.
It’s changed who I want to hang out with and helped me stay aware of who is beneficial for me to be around uand who is not.
It’s changed my physical health, leaps and bounds. Starting with Og’s promise, “like pain, failure is alien to my life.” And continuing with affirming to myself, “I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.” I was afraid the winter season would be a treacherous foe to battle against, but I find myself keeping up just as well or better than with people who don’t have compromised immune systems. Also, if I’m in pain, I don’t voice the reality and acknowledge the pain, I voice what I want reality to be. I fake it and soon enough I’m making it just fine.
I’m no longer ruled by the clock. I used to watch the minutes tick away and be petrified that I was wasting this gift given to me. Now I take slow and steady steps, knowing that if I give my all for the purpose of honoring my god, there can be no waste of time and my efforts will count for something.
I’m by no means saying all of this was easy. I’ve thought more in the past 3 months about how to keep going, and battle the voice that says I can’t do it, but in truth, where that voice used to scream and the shrill sound echoed in my ears, now it is not so loud.
Instead, the voices I hear are Hannel, Og Mandino, Mark J, Davene, and Trish. I also hear my own voice, and I see my face as I look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Something that would have been nearly impossible to do 3 months ago.
This is not everything, but hopefully it will add to the total picture of how the MKMMA is helping me to be the best of my Self, one step at a time.