I feel like a hero today. There’s a scar I have from a time in my life were I truly struggled. It was by far the most dramatic and Surreal time in my life. It’s the chapter I like to call , “D.C.”.
Truth be told, seven years ago, I went there ready to conquer the world. A year and a half later, I left, grateful that I made it out alive. I was worn, and pretty tattered, but again, I made it out alive, so there’s that.
Writing is a very healing outlet for me, and I have always dreamed about going back to that place to write about it. To the place where I fell head over heels in love for the first time, with a man who would ultimately break my heart. To the place I lived when I lost the only stable male figure in my life, the place I lived when my grandfather died. To the place where I did my best to cope with all the loss and heartache. The place where I started getting ill, with pain from an unknown source, and feeling like an outsider because I was in touch with my feelings.
I had thought about telling the story in writing, but I really wanted to go back and get in touch with those places. I wanted to go back and remember those feelings, remember those times, so the writing would be better.
Today I am the hero. Today I went back there.
I walked the streets of Washington, D.C. I took the metro to the courthouse station. I saw the bakery where I sat and called my grandpa just to say hi, what I didn’t know would be our last conversation. I went to the Starbucks and actually sat in the same seat where I had coffee with the man who would be the first to break my heart.
Today I did it. I walked those streets, I visited those memories, and I wrote to my hearts content, remembering the timeline as clear as day.
What a gift to be able to go back. It was bittersweet, with more sweet than bitter, because I am a different person than I was back then. I am healed.
And that is something I have earned, that no one can take away. In fact, now that I think about it, as I walked those streets I felt a sense of pride for the woman I have become in spite of how difficult that time was.
I am stronger. It did not break me. I lived to tell the story, and so I shall.
Thank you for sharing my journey. ❤️
I feel a bit raw. Yes. Raw is the best word to describe how I feel.
Even though I ended a three year relationship and moved houses, I’ve been feeling so strong lately, and mostly on top of it. I’ve felt very in control.
This week, I cried about my mom for an hour in counseling. I found myself unable to shut up. I mean, 25 years…there’s a lot to tell.
The hour was over before I knew it, and I even found myself put off just the slightest bit that it would be two weeks before we saw each other, instead of one. This is the juicy stuff. I could really use the help.
So now, I guess, the doors I typically keep shut and locked are now cracked open. I can tell because the tears aren’t held back so easily now.
I had the inclination that my energy was just taken from me all day. I have nothing left to give. But I know that’s not true.
That is the most beautiful part; I manifested this. I wanted this time in my life to hash out anything I needed to, and tie up emotional loose ends.
It’s so important to me to do this, and I see now how much the MKMMA will help me through this process, help me heal, help me to choose thoughts that are helpful to me. As opposed to wallowing or going off the deep end.
I have the tools, and I know there are rooms in my soul I will need to open, look around, sweep and vacuum, and THeN I can shut the door for good.
This is what I wanted so I will be ready to start and finish a counseling psychology graduate program.
I want to examine / discuss / process my first 28 years on this earth, then close it up, put a bow on it, and leave it be.
“In order to grow we must obtain what is essential for our growth, but as we are at all times a complete thought entity, this completeness makes it possible for us to receive only as we give; growth is there for conditioned on reciprocal action…” MK 18:24
“it is for this reason that he who has his heart in his work is certain to meet with unbounded success. He will give and continually give; and the more he gives, the more he will receive.” MK 18:25
I understand this to mean: the more that I heal and make peace with my past, the more I will have to give to my research and future clients.
This is what I want more than anything, and I will have it. It will be a gift to myself, and anyone who is a part of my future including my future clients, friends, family, and even my unborn children.
I will remember constantly throughout the process that I am no different in kind and quality than the whole, that I am one with the universal spirit, and incredibly that I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.
Thanks for sharing this journey with me. ❤️
Today is my birthday!!!! I turn 29 today.
I may have said this one or ten times, but this is the THIRD time I’ve taken this course, and this part NEVER gets old. I got all teary eyed yesterday. The scroll that we have been reading for a month says, “I am nature’s greatest miracle.” It goes on for four pages about how wonderful I am, and I wasn’t always so easy to believe such wonderful things about myself. But this Third time around, things are really sinking in. And the last night of reading it out LOUD and thinking about the day I was born….*TEAR.
Every time I take this class, I have a growth spurt. This time is no exception.
In my heart, my birthday is a time to reflect about where I am in life. And this year, I am TERRIBLY PROUD of where I am. More so than in years passed, hands down. I’m pretty sure that has reflected in my behavior this year. Everyone knows I am excited about my birthday, and everyone knows I’m looking forward to it. How? I told them! I want to Celebrate! I’m doing pretty well! I’m HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!! **Thank you for my Happiness Progression**
I feel so good about where I am in life, but I say that with a grateful and humble heart, because I have Mountains to CLIMB in my future ventures, and I don’t take the work for granted. It has taken a lot of work to get to this point. BUT IT’S WORTH IT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, ISN’T IT? To be able to look at yourself and think, “I’m a better version of my past self!” Now, “better” depends on the person and what’s important to them, but most importantly Growth is OCCURRING, which is BEAUTIFUL, because Growth is the ESSENCE OF life! I feel truly alive watching myself become a better version of myself because Growth is my moral imperative. <– That’s in my DMP 😉
My current Quest of Growth is my brain; sculpting it, directing it, and controlling what I think about, because my thoughts create my reality!
I want to GIVE you all a GIFT for my birthday. I want to share with you something that is helping me get where I want to be. I’m listening to it every day for thirty days, Starting yesterday. I’ve already listened to it maybe 40 times since the first time I heard it. It is the best BRAIN FOOD SNACK. If this were a food snack it would have 30g of Protein, 2 healthy fats, and no carbs, and taste like chocolate frosting (DELICIOUS).
I am so blessed! I love you all. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Where’s the cake?
The Greatest Gift
There are a few reasons/GIFTS/Blessings that could easily stand alone, and be such a benefit to my life that I would wholly recommend the Master Key Experience. I want to tell you about Betty and the gift the MKMMA gave me, the gift of forgiveness.
Betty and I work together.
First I heard of her was her employees saying something negative I’m sure, like disgruntled employees will do. The first time I saw her she looked MEAN, and I’m sure I sent out all kinds of nasty vibes. So I made my mind up that Betty was bad news.
Well, Betty and I ended up working closely with one another, and while I was always polite and respectful, something about her bothered me deeply. I felt she was ingenuine, which is equivalent to violating a sacred vow in my code of honor and ethics. She reminded me of my mother. I. Did. Not. Love. Her.
I realized how much my distaste for her had grown, when she did something I didn’t agree with and I felt my anger go through the roof. I was truly bothered by her actions.
I was throwing out MAJOR judgment.
So about a month ago, in MKMMA class, we’re talking about the seven laws of the mind and the law of forgiveness comes up. Mark helps us clear the channel; he recites a wonderful blessing and your journey of forgiveness for whomever you need to forgive, it happens there.
I picked Betty.
I knew I needed to forgive her for whatever she (didn’t) do that upset me so much. And I remember thinking “Good Lord how am I going to do this?” And the answer was so simple:
Sooo I started. I rehearsed in my brain and I prayed about it and thought about how to love her. I thought nice things about her and just thought “Forgiveness. Love her. I love you.” And really focused on it when we interacted.
Oh and I forgot to mention, Betty was not nice to me. She didn’t like me at all. I felt she was always giving me impossible or insulting tasks and eye contact with me looked painful for her.
Well I’ll be damned, if the minute that I started loving her, she softened. I loved her more, she loved me more. I cannot believe on the kind and wonderful person (Betty) I was missing out on, because of preconceived notions, and the kind of energy I was putting out. No more.
I am so blessed by this healed wound in my life. No one should evoke so much negative emotion from me. That’s my scar. That’s my responsibility. So I will forgive and love, and I am truly blessed, because she was forgiving and loving in return.
And my gift is the current status of our relationship. She invited me to eat lunch the other day and it was lovely!
I am so blessed by her, and by the encouragement and support I had in initiating this change.
I mean the MKE here.
It was well planned out, because prior to this lecture, for a month already I’ve been reciting “I greet this day with love in my heart.” And “I know a negative attitude toward others can never bring me success.” The MKE helped me lay the groundwork for this forgiveness. They helped me clear and open my creative channel, and I keep it that way with a positive mental diet.
Anyway, I could go on and on. But that GIFT, The gift of forgiveness, is one of the many benefits in my life from the Master Key Experience, and one of the greatest gifts of my life. It has made me, ME of ALL people…MORE loving!!! If anyone even thought that would be possible! It showed me How TO BE more loving.
Week 16 was the week of kindness, and it was heart and eye opening.
We had an assignment: Be kind and notice others being kind.
We had already laid the groundwork for this assignment. If I was ever not feeling kind for some reason I’d think, “love them. Be kind, love everybody.” Thank you Scroll 2 of The Greatest Salesman by Og Mandino. “I greet this day with love in my heart.”
I am a different person.
“I promise to bring a gift wherever I go.”
A smile is a gift! So I smile at everyone.
I’m at work and looking for ways to be of service…with a smile!
“Hi! I’m happy to help you over here!”
Be of service.
I actually got an email from a coworker, someone higher up, and the subject said “Thank you.” She said I was “a ray of sunshine.”
She called me a ray of sunshine.
I am wearing my heart on my sleeve, loving humanity, and I know it’s effecting people.
Have you ever walked in to a room with love on your heart and on your mind?
Just do that, and start smiling.
No, they won’t think you’re crazy. They might wonder where your joy comes from.
But watch. Do it.
People relax. People are relieved by it, and those who want to, will smile back.
Where I go now, I can bring the energy. I bring the joy. I bring the love. And it is a fantastic feeling.
People want to feel good. They want to be happy and it’s like my joy and love gives them permission to do the same!
It’s amazing. I know Mark and Dave have shared,
“When we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.”
I get it. It’s true.
And all of a sudden I am filled up, because I realize that I Have been SHINING MY LIGHT!
And as it states in my DMP, “I feel truly ALiVE when I observe myself being a better version of myself, because GRoWTH is my moral imperative. Progress is my fuel in life!”
I’ve always wanted to shine my light! And I see now I have been!
This ability to love others and be kind and be of service and see how dramatically it effects people, this might be my favorite gift I’ve received so far in life. A gift to me, that just by carrying love in my heart for others, I can lift their spirits, even if just for a moment.
Love is the ultimate healer.
Thank you MKMMA and all my members who did the kindness week. I felt it.
Thank you God and the Universe for this class. Thank you for the gift you’ve given to me, and to us all.
Thanks for allowing me to share with you all! I love you!
It just hit me yesterday.I moved two weeks ago and ever since I’ve felt unsettled and all over the place. I wasn’t keeping up with things and I wished I could be more positive and loving to myself. I’d been thinking about that for a couple of days.
And then it hit me.
I am unsettled. I am uncomfortable. I’m working overtime to cover expenses. I’m about 5-10lbs heavier than I’d like to be but I’m not in a place to give 100% to my diet so I’m not ready to start. Oh. And I turn 29 on Jan 31.
All these things about my circumstances would almost make one think I wasn’t doing well, overall.
And then it hit me.
Moving was the first step of my Hero’s Journey. I am doing GREAT overall! I’ve taken the leap! I feel good about where and in whom I’ve placed my faith. I am inching forward, one step at a time, and I continue to do so.
I am so grateful. I’m so grateful for all my challenges and all my blessings, for they are one and the same! Thank you for the ability to intentionally create and thank you for the choice to choose our intentions. This makes us the writer and director and star of our own movie and that is a blessing, a true GIFT.
I am uncomfortable as far as everything is NEW: routines, house, roommate, commute, part of town, etc. BUT I am actually counting WHERE I AM IN LIFE Right now as a WIN. I have ventured out on my own to create the life I want.
If I’m looking at progress, I also believe I’ve done a great job. I had the funds available to do the move, when it was time. It barely affected my work, I think I defaulted to a black wardrobe 2 days in a row, may have looked a bit rough but nothing major.
It didn’t BREAK ME! A major life change like this I don’t think I’ve ever handled so well, with as little unnecessary emotional turmoil and the most positive mental attitude I’ve ever had. Granted, this transition has felt divinely inspired: the timing, the roomie, the house. Not only did it fall into place beautifully, I have been overwhelmed by the loving generosity and support of family and friends.
Peoples generosity has been inspiring! I mean, I am in serious gratitude and detriment to a certain couple who GAVE me a mattress and boxspring! I asked to borrow their air mattress and they GAVE me a mattress and boxspring. What a Blessing!!
Anyway, it seems such a loving thing to do, so graciously and generously help others, giving of your own. It makes me feel so loved when people are SO generous!
Well, My roommate is always SO generous! She is always saying I’m welcome to this or that and is so gracious about it all. She even bought my favorite flavor of Ramen noodles!!!? Who does that?!
My roomie does, that’s who.
I am so blessed!!!
So anyway, there is no recoil. Things are shaken up a bit but I know slowly and surely they will fall in to place. It will take time and consistency. And in the meantime, I have a life to create! It’s time to dig in deeper on the exercises! Be more excited and create something more exciting! It will be HARMONIOUS!!!
Ok, time to get to work. I love you all. And remember you are Whole, Perfect, Strong, Powerful, Loving, Harmonious, and Happy!!!
feel that familiar call. It’s in the wind. I feel it like that good feeling when you breathe in cold air, so clean and crisp it fills your lungs.
It’s a call to be better, to do more.
It’s time to step up.
I am on a mission, and it’s as if I’ve woken from a dream where I wasn’t doing everything I could to reach my goals, so closer to a nightmare than a dream.
Nevertheless, there is no satisfaction until I have pursued the opportunities given to me to their fullest..
Now is the time to make a plan to accomplish this. What steps do I need to take, what habits do I need to adopt as a service to my future self? And more so, what is it that the future should look like? Does the future look different than I originally thought?
I go to my special writing spot, and my song comes on the radio.
“I’m free to be the greatest, I’m alive.”
With this I offer to you, I’m back to the drawing board. To revisit my DMP and make sure I am being true to my heart and soul. It’s worth the time to make sure, obviously.
God bless, I love you, thanks for reading.